Monday, September 3, 2007

Nerdlet gets her own back.

I would like to publicly state that whilst I was never made a complete and utter outcast in high school, I did not have a great time I would choose to repeat. Ever.

Yes, there were a few good friends. Many that were merely along for the ride that I will never speak to again (and have not spoken to, for the last four years ...) as well as the unfortunate additions of bad skin, bad glasses and worse haircuts.

When people speak fondly of high school (my high school, I mean), I get the fucking heebie-jeebies. I break out in an imaginary rash so convincing I don't even need to delude myself into believing it's there. I want to run in the opposite direction, after throwing myself in front of an oncoming vehicle.

I know this all sounds awfully dramatic. I don't even know why it is when it's how I feel. Furthermore, I don't know when this happened. I remember the end of school, the summer before my life more or less became what it is today, where we (meaning, me and those people I don't want to think about) spent so much time together. Drank copiously. Went to the big day out, and other overage gigs and venues we managed to sneak into (pre-dating the days of blue lights to check for holograms and thorough door staff).

Then something went off (or on) in my head and I decided I didn't want to be there any more.

I recently ran into a boy I went to high school with (the one I had a massive crush on - because that's what makes this story perfect) while I was at uni. It was strange. Seeing him made me realize I wasn't the only one who (perhaps) didn't quite fit in, and didn't really know how to articulate it. It was nice to realize with some surprise, that people you thought you knew can turn out completely different to how you had them pictured in your mind. He spent most of year twelve not speaking to me, though that wasn't due to lack of effort on my part. This time he spoke to me first, and I didn't even realize who he was until he said my name.

There's something to be said for people who ignored you wanting to speak to you. Something more to be said for that when you know they're "surprised" at the difference (a lack of) glasses makes. I can almost hear an inner voice exclaiming "Wow, you look ... better!", except it's coming from them.

And finally, the nerdlet gets her own back.

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